


Want, Pretend, Wish

by valda



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, M/M, Weird Force Bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 00:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7955338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valda/pseuds/valda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One couple reacts to the news. Another couple is baffled. And Rey is alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do you want to keep it?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rudbeckia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/gifts).



> This was written in response to three different Tumblr prompts. You can read the individual chapters on Tumblr [here](http://cosleia.tumblr.com/post/147726002333/8071-stormpilot), [here](http://cosleia.tumblr.com/post/147725998988/8076-kylux), and [here](http://cosleia.tumblr.com/post/147725995103/8077-rey-anyone).

“Oh,” Poe said. He stood up. Finn stayed where he was on the bed, hugging his elbows. After a moment Poe sat back down. He didn’t know what to do with his hands.

“It was before we…you know,” Finn said dully.

“Right, no, I get that, buddy,” Poe said. “I’m not worried about that.”

Finn looked at him. In that moment he seemed so young.

Poe swallowed. “Do you want to keep it?”

“I don’t know,” Finn said, looking away again. “I mean…yes? But…” He let go of his elbows, laced his fingers together and pressed his knuckles to his lips. “It doesn’t seem fair. To ask for that.” He glanced back at Poe. “It doesn’t seem fair to anyone.”

Poe hesitated, then wrapped an arm around Finn’s shoulders. Finn leaned in, dropping his head to Poe’s shoulder.

“I—” Poe started to say, but Finn suddenly clapped a hand over his mouth. Poe made a surprised, muffled noise against Finn’s palm.

“Don’t say anything, Poe,” Finn said, voice faltering. He slid his hand away from Poe’s mouth, moving it down to curl his fingers tightly over Poe’s knee. “Just don’t say anything right now. Okay?”

So Poe held Finn, and didn’t say anything.


	2. Can we pretend it's real?

“It’s nothing,” Kylo huffed. The vocoder disguised the timbre of his voice, but not well enough.

Hux frowned. “It’s not nothing. What were you doing in the ’fresher this morning? Why aren’t you eating? Why has there been a 70% increase in lightsaber-related damage to my ship?”

“It’s _nothing_ ,” Kylo insisted, spinning away from Hux.

Hux grabbed him by the arm, pulling him back around. “I’ll not have you lying to me, Kylo Ren,” he bit out. “Take that mask off right now.”

“No,” Kylo said, but Hux was already scrabbling at the latches. The mask dropped down with a hiss; Hux pulled it and the helmet away.

Kylo’s eyes were red and watery and his face was tracked with fresh tears. “I don’t know, all right?” he yelled through quivering lips. “I don’t know where these feelings are coming from. They’re not mine. They’re nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I want to be sick, that’s what I was doing in the ’fresher. I—” He broke off, dragging his sleeve over his face. “This isn’t normal. This is…fucking _irritating_.”

Hux was at a loss. “Could someone be attacking you through the Force?” he guessed. “Have you asked Supreme Leader—”

“Yes, I asked him,” Kylo practically snarled. “All he said was ‘A connection has been made.’ He wouldn’t tell me what that meant, even though he seemed to be kind of…happy about it.”

Hux frowned again. “Why would he—”

“I don’t _know_ , Hux, I don’t know why _any_ of this is happening, I just want to lie down and sleep forever, and eat everything on this ship, or throw up. I don’t know. I can’t decide. And I keep fucking crying.”

“Here, let me—” Hux began tentatively, laying a hand on Kylo’s lower back. Kylo stiffened.

“ _Don’t touch me_ ,” he hissed.

Hux backed away, hands in the air. “Fine. But will you submit to a medical exam? Perhaps there is some sort of allergen or parasite or virus causing this.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Kylo sniffed, crossing his arms.

~

It took the two of them a few days to fully grasp the results of Kylo’s exam. It was several weeks before they could bring themselves to discuss it.

Hux finally broached the subject one day as Kylo was coming out of the ‘fresher. “Are you still—”

“Yes,” Kylo bit out. “This is…”

“I know,” Hux said. “Ridiculous,” he started to conclude, just as Kylo said, “Depressing.” Hux raised an eyebrow.

Kylo flopped onto the bed and rolled onto his side, back to Hux. “Have you ever thought about it?” he said, voice muffled into the sheet.

“I…well,” Hux said. “There’s always one’s duty to the First Order, so of course—”

“But for yourself. I mean. For us.”

Hux blinked at Kylo’s back. “No,” he admitted finally.

“I have,” Kylo said, and his voice sounded positively petulant.

Hux sighed and pressed his hand between Kylo’s shoulder blades. “It doesn’t seem very likely, though, does it?” he asked gently.

Kylo was quiet for a long moment, curling further into himself. Finally he spoke again, his voice so small Hux could barely hear him.

“Can we pretend it’s real?”

_No_ , Hux wanted to say, _don’t be ludicrous. Grow up, Ren_. He knew what Kylo wanted him to say.

He could say neither of those things, so he said nothing.


	3. I don't want to wish for that.

Leia found her sitting with her head in her hands, eyes downcast. “Rey?” she asked tentatively.

“General Organa,” Rey replied, sitting up. Her eyes were dry. “Thank you for meeting me. I know it was a surprise, me coming back so soon, and without even bringing Luke. I’m sorry for that. Something…came up.”

She laughed then, but it was a humorless laugh. Leia waited.

“I’m pregnant,” Rey burst out suddenly. “It’s Finn’s. We—we had thought it was love, and we did some things, but we decided it was better to be friends, and that was that, and then Starkiller happened and I left, and after he woke up he fell in love with Poe, and—”

Leia sat down next to Rey and pulled her into her arms. “Shh,” she said. “It’s all right. I understand.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Rey said. “I have…this _destiny_. I need to train with Luke, learn the ways of the Force. But this—”

“You can do more while pregnant than you might think,” Leia said. “But certainly not everything.” She shook her head. “Luke should have come back with you—”

“He’s waiting for me to return to him. He wants us to train, no matter what my decision is.”

Leia felt herself relax. “So he’s prepared for either option,” she said. “Good.”

Rey was quiet, so Leia simply held her for a time. “How do you feel?” Leia finally asked.

“Conflicted,” Rey said immediately. “Part of me wants to just end this and move on. Part of me wants to raise a little Jedi—though I’m worried about putting a child in danger like that.”

“And part of you wishes you weren’t Force-sensitive at all,” Leia guessed.

Rey’s shoulders tensed. “I don’t want to wish for that,” she said in a harsh whisper. “I spent so much of my life running away. I don’t want to run away anymore.”

“But you _do_ wish for that. And it’s okay to feel that way. Having feelings isn’t the same as acting on them.” Leia squeezed Rey tighter. “Believe me, I know what it’s like to actually run from one’s potential. You’re not doing that. Whatever you choose, you’re not doing that.”

Rey was quiet for a moment. Then she straightened, pulling away from Leia’s embrace. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you.” Standing, Rey let out a long sigh. “I think it’s time to really talk this through with Finn.”


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pretend this part isn't fic-canon if you like :D

Months later, Rey has the baby. Thanks to their still-unsevered Force connection, Kylo gets to feel that, too.

The very next day he arrives at the Resistance’s new base to turn himself in.

“Mom,” he says, gazing at Leia with haunted eyes, “I am so, so sorry.”


End file.
